This is the City
Chicago Illinois
While normally this is the home to one of the highest crime rates publicly known in the United States it’s also home to
The Blues Brothers, Da Bears. The Blackhawks, The Bulls, The Cubbies , The White Sox , And most important of all God himself C.M. Punk
This weekend The Windy City was home to another premiere sporting event: The NASCAR National Series. Both Xfinity and Cup showcased their talents along the streets of Chicago. It did have however its share of controversies
That’s where I come in. I don’t carry a badge or a pass, but I carry a bottle of whiskey and a keyboard which qualifies me just as well according to Social Media.
The Date in Question was July the 6th, My Father would have been 74 that day. And were he still with us, his attention would’ve been turned to Turner Network Television to watch the NASCAR Cup Race. Live in High Definition.
The weather in Chicago was fair but the weather could turn on a dime as they say in The Windy City. My partner Ben Martin was under the weather himself which left me flying solo. My name is Halfpint.
Upon the 4th lap of the race a massive pile up caused the Red Flag to be waived and me wishing I could investigate. I imagine myself on the Spotter’s Stand off of turn 10 interviewing one of the Spotter’s.
Me: From your perspective what happened?
Spotter: Are you F*cking kidding?? NASCAR spends over $60 Million Dollars and my viewpoint is a G**d*** tree off of Michigan Ave they call turn 10 that’s impossible to see so you can’t tell anyone what’s going on. It’s a miracle that only 8 cars piled up on that one.
Me: 8 cars? That’s a fifth of the field
Spotter: I’m gonna need a Fifth of Bourbon when this is all done with Holla
Since the Red Flag was still waiving I decided to see the carnage for myself since the Spotter was right, a tree was blocking off a part of the Race Track. You’d think NASCAR could have done something about it.
As I make my way to the chaos I see the #77 Car driven by Carson Hocevar and there’s the rookie driver giving everyone that 1000 yd stare.
Carson: That wasn’t Ricky Stenhouse finally getting back at me was it??
Me: Unfortunately no Son. Looks like you’ll have to face the music another week.
The defeated look on his face said it all. He’ll either see God or the Checkered Flag next week.
While that was going on I could hear a tantrum coming out of the #3 Car
Dillion: F*CK!! S*IT!! PAW PAW!! WHERE’S MY PAW PAW??? PAW PAW BAIL ME OUT OF THIS
The Man Child kept fidgeting around till finally he relaxed and pulled something from beneath him. I couldn’t believe what it was until I saw it: A silver spoon with a brown stain on it. I shudder to guess where it was. Then he decided to drive off with reckless abandon like it was Richmond on a Sunday Night. Nearly running me over in the process.
Dillion: PAW PAW WILL FIX THIS
Fortunately for the crowd and myself PAW PAW wasn’t able to fix this and the #3 was retired
Dillion: NO I WON’T RETIRE!! QUIT ASKING!! PAW PAW THEY’RE MAKING FUN OF ME AGAIN!!
Finally after a nearly half hour delay the race resumed. It went on as usual as a NASCAR Street Race can go. All of us are enjoying the talents of Auckland New Zealand’s Shane Van Gisbergen. He was rivaled on this day by Michael McDowell. If it wasn’t for McDowell having a hung throttle near the midpoint it would’ve been a lot more entertaining.
However, we got to see the Kiwi dominate his best track. Like Dan Gurney at Riverside. So the complaints should have been minimal.
Then making my way to the Media Center. I was watching the Television Broadcast on the Monitors. Something about it seemed off. The Commentators were fantastic but the camera work. . .
Me: Something feels strangely familiar about all of this. Like I’ve seen this before.
I decided to get to the bottom of this and interview one of the producers.
Me: How long have you been doing this
Producer: I’ve been in TV production for over 20 years.
Me: and did they teach you how to time commercials in those 20 years??
The Producer seemed frizzled and nervous. I noticed his TNT patch on his polo shirt was loose. But as soon as I noticed that, the TNT logo fell on the ground to reveal something that I felt in my heart all along but didn’t want to believe.
It was a Fox Sports Logo!!
Me: aha!! That explains everything
As the race moved to the ending a literal cloud started to emerge from the skyline of Chicago. It seemed a Fog was rolling in surrounded by Lightning and Rain. The temperature started to drop and the nerves in Race Control went up. I decided to make myself available to Race Control.
Me: What seems to be going on?
Race Control: Absolutely nothing, everything is picture perfect!!
Radio: Turn 6 Turn 6
Me: What does that mean??
Race Control: Not sure that inflection didn’t mean much??
Me: Are we Sure
Cody Ware: I’m hurt
Race Control: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CAR AT TURN 6
My eyes didn’t disobey me. I saw a car wrapped up in the tires off of Turn 6 and NASCAR decided to not wave the cautions till after the White Flag Waved.
Me: What’s the Meaning of this??
Race Control: Honest! I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn’t my fault! I swear to God!
Me: You really think that’s gonna work
Race Control: Till Next Week!!
We’ll See Next Week at Sonoma!!!
Halfpint's Point 